If there’s a bright side to breaking up, it could be the opportunity to move on to the next chapter in your life. However, that may be out of the question when you have regrets about ending your relationship.
Maybe you and your ex are the kind of couple who can overcome your differences and go on to find lasting love. Then again, maybe you made the right decision, and you just need more time to adjust to being single.
How can you tell where your love life is headed? Read this if you’re having second thoughts about breaking up.
- Take your time. You and your former partner probably both need some space to sort out your feelings and gain perspective. There’s no exact schedule, but 30 days is a reasonable starting point for waiting to make contact.
- Assess your relationship. Take an honest look at your time together. Are you focusing on the happy memories and overlooking the more challenging moments?
- Conquer your guilt. Breaking up can undermine your confidence. You may think you’re inadequate unless you’re in a relationship. You may blame yourself for the estrangement. Remember that you both played a part in how things turned out.
- Start a conversation. When you’re ready, ask your ex if they’re willing to meet and talk. Let them know if you miss them and want to try again. Be respectful of their needs and avoid pressuring them. Be prepared to back away graciously if they’re not interested in patching things up.
- Resolve old issues. Even if you’re both staying home Saturday nights pining for each other, you still have work to do. Figure out what drove you apart and what kind of changes you’ll need to make as individuals and as a couple.
- Rebuild trust. Are you wondering if you can count on each other anymore? For your relationship to survive, it’s important to restore trust. Identify the steps you’ll need to take in order to feel secure.
- Choose to forgive. Getting back together is a mutual decision, but you can choose to heal under any circumstances. Remember that forgiving someone’s behavior is different from approving of it. Free yourself from anger and resentment by forgiving.
- Seek support. Spend more time with family and friends, especially if you neglected them while you were involved. Talk about your feelings and have fun.
- Challenge yourself. Give yourself something to look forward to each day. Tackle a new project that will help you to enrich your personal life or advance your career. Study a foreign language or plan a dream vacation.
- Practice self-care. Healthy lifestyle habits help you to think clearly and make sound decisions. Eat a balanced diet, instead of trying to soothe yourself with junk food. Exercise regularly and deal with stress constructively.
- Update your criteria. Learn from experience and look to the future. Reflect on what qualities you’re seeking in a new partner. This could be an opportunity to break old patterns.
- Start dating. When you’re ready, begin working on your next relationship. Join an online dating service or go places where you can meet others who share your interests.
- Be happy. Joy and purpose come from within. You can have a meaningful life no matter what your relationship status happens to be at the moment.
It’s natural to feel sad and lonely after you break up. Remember that heartbreak is temporary. You’ll still have many opportunities to enjoy life and love, whether you return to your ex or make a new start.